Degree of Detail and Description

When you look at degree of detail and description, ask two things:

1. How specific is the author? Does he write “dog” (general) or “Labrador retriever” (specific detail)? Does she write “some” (general) or “three and a half pounds” (specific detail)?
2. How much description does the author provide? Does he write “Mr. B is my manager” (nondescriptive) or “Mr. B, my manager, is a tall man with piercing eyes and a mustache” (descriptive)? Or, does he go even further: “Mr. B, my manager, is six foot ten with eyes that pierce like knives and a mustache like Hitler’s” (very descriptive)?

Try your hand at deciding whether words are specific and descriptive or general and nondescriptive.

Degree of Formality

The degree of formality of a piece of writing has to do with how formal or casual the writer’s language is. For example, does the writer use slang as if speaking to a friend, or jargon (specific, technical language) as if speaking to colleagues? Does the writer address the reader by his or her first name (casual), or by his or her title (formal)?

How the Three Elements of

Style Work Together

Look at how these three elements of style work together in the following two letters. Both convey essentially the same information, but they are written in radically different styles. Read the letters carefully and then list your observations. What do you notice that’s differen tbetween these two letters?

What did you notice about these two letters? How are they different? Consider sentence structure, degree of description and detail, and degree of formality. List your observations in the space below (an example has been provided to get you started):

Your Observations:

Example: I notice that letter A addresses the reader as “Lucy,” whereas letter B addresses her as “Ms. Mirabella.”

Now, answer the following questions:

The (in)formality of each relationship is also reflected in the sentence structure and degree of description and detail. You probably noticed, for example, that letter A uses short, choppy sentences, and exclamation points, which make the letter sound less formal, more urgent, and more demanding. The writer also uses casual words like “listen” so that the writing sounds conversational. On the other hand, letter B uses longer, more complex sentences to make the letter sound more formal and sophisticated.

At the same time, you probably noticed that letter A does not provide the kind of specific information that letter B does. Letter A tells us the writer placed an order for “some invitations” “a while ago,” but letter B tells us the order was placed “three weeks ago, on April 14”and that the order was for “two boxes of personalized party invitations.” The fact that letter A does not provide specific details is further evidence that the reader knows the writer very well, for the writer doesn’t have to provide specific details. Furthermore, in letter A, the writer uses a command “Find out!” whereas in letter B, the writer asks, rather than demands, that the matter be looked into. This politeness reflects a professional distance between writer and reader.

In business, as in most writing, the audience usually determines the writer’s style. The writer of letter A is probably capable of writing in the style of letter B, but because she has a casual relationship with her reader, she doesn’t need to use a formal style.

The Effect of Description and Detail

In business, what some people call “flowery” style lots of description and detail is almost never appropriate.

Why? Because in business, as they say, “time is money, ”so readers don’t want to spend time reading lengthy descriptions or extensive detail. They just want the facts: when the meeting will be held and where; what the new product is designed to do and how much it costs; how the new training manual is coming along. Inmost cases, the more straightforward, the better.

Other times, however, when they want readers to imagine a situation or to experience something through language, writers need a “flowery” style. That is, they need a high degree of description and detail. The following two paragraphs show the difference. Both describe the same appointment, but in two very different styles. One is written in a style appropriate to business and only records the facts. The other describes the meeting in a style appropriate for general readers interested in the feelings of the people involved.

Paragraph A

Yesterday at 10:00 A.M., Mark Spencer held a press conference. Eleanor Cartwright was present as well. Mr. Spencer talked about upcoming events at the Smithfield Museum of Art, where he is Director..

Then he announced that Eleanor Cartwright had just been appointed Director of Development. This new position was created due to the planned building of a new wing, which will house the significant art collection that was donated to The Smithfield Museum last year. Mr. Spencer outlined Ms. Cartwright’s qualifications and introduced her to the press. She discussed plans for the new wing, and she also took several questions from reporters before the press conference ended.

Paragraph B

Yesterday at 10:00 A.M., Mark Spencer, the popular Director of the Smithfield Museum of Art, held a press conference. The room was buzzing with reporters as Mr. Spencer took the podium. Standing to his right was a striking woman with a crimson suit. Mr. Spencer first discussed the soon-to-be launched artist-in-residence program as well as the upcoming annual fundraising dinner, which has been the hottest ticket in town ever since Mr. Spencer came to the Smithfield.

The room was thick with curiosity as Mr. Spencer turned toward the mysterious woman and invited her to join him at the podium. Mr. Spencer then spoke in an excited and genuine tone, “I’m delighted to introduce to you, the new Director of Development of the Smithfield Museum, Ms. Eleanor Cartwright.” Mr. Spencer explained that this position was created due to the building of the new wing, for which construction is scheduled to start soon. The wing will house the impressive and significant art collection of Mr. and Mrs. Martin Buckner, which was donated to the museum last year. Mr. Spencer listed Ms. Cartwright’s impressive credentials as the reporters hung on every word.

Finally, Ms. Cartwright took the podium and wowed everyone with details about the new wing. She also took several questions. By the time she was done, everyone in attendance was charmed by her wit and sophistication and they left the room convinced that the Smithfield Museum, once barely known, was truly becoming a major force in the art world.

Now, write down your observations about these two paragraphs below. How are these two versions different? What did you notice about the sentence structure? About the degree of description and detail? About the degree of formality?

Your Observations:

Summary

Style, as you can see, is an important aspect of reading comprehension. It can tell us about the writer’s relationship to the reader; it can distance us with its objectivity or draw us in with its description and detail. As readers, we tend to react strongly to style, often without knowing why. But now you do know why, and you can use that knowledge to help you understand what you read.

Skill Building until Next Time

• As you come across sentences or paragraphs written in different styles, see how they would sound if the style were altered. Change the level of formality, the degree of description and detail, or the sentence structure to create a new style.
• Do you have a favorite author? Take a second look at a particularly memorable work by this author, paying close attention to the style elements at work. If you are a Jane Austen fan, pick out features that make her novels enjoyable for you. Do you like her degree of formality, the way she uses detail to describe fancy parties, or the way she varies her sentence structure? After you’ve taken a close look at this work, try your own hand at it. Can you write a letter to a friend in the same style that Jane Austen would have? How about Ernest Hemingway or Stephen King?