Body Language Basics

In many cases, body language is "spoken". We learn to use our body language from a very early age. Little girls will smile and tilt their heads when they want adoration or attention, and little boys will cross their arms in front of them and frown when they don't get the toy they want from the store. The quality of our communication is an extension of our body language. Sometimes using body language instead of our voice gets the message across more clearly. You may be tired of constantly telling little Jimmy to clean his room, so this time you look directly at him with your arms crossed and tap your foot, until he understands you are serious. This would be a form of conscious body language and it may just get the job done.


Body language is displayed by using the different parts of your body, including your eyes, arms, hands, feet, posture, head position, facial expression, etc. When dealing with others, the way you use your body language can have a significant impact on how things are perceived. Eye contact is crucial in dealing with others. You want to maintain good eye contact, because it is seen as a sign of respect. It also shows that you are interested in the speaker. This doesn't mean fiercely focused eye contact, just casual contact. If you look like your eyes are boring into the person to whom you are speaking, it is likely that you will make them feel uncomfortable. You can casually look away from time to time, but make sure at least 75 percent of the time you are making eye contact.

Movements of the arms are an indicator of how open or closed a person is. When meeting new people or making contact with business associates, you want to avoid crossing your arms in front of you. This is a sign of defensiveness or being closed to the other person. Try to keep your arms out to the side of your body, or clasp your hands together behind you in a casual manner. This position shows openness and optimism. People who are really open tend to use their arms a lot in big movements. Of course, on the other hand, people who are not as open don't use a lot of hand and arm movements. So, in different situations you will want to send different messages by using your body language.

Posture is also very important. When we see someone slumped in a chair, we automatically think they are sad about something, or they don't have very high self esteem. Good posture portrays positive feelings about yourself and others. Whether you are sitting or standing, try to maintain good posture; a person who has good posture and keeps their head held high will send a more positive message than someone who is slouched and/or looks downcast.

Shaking hands is something we all have to do from time to time. If you attend business meetings on a regular basis you may have to shake hands more than the average person. You should always offer your hand palm out vertically, not up or down. This creates the feeling of equality. Palm up would signify submission and palm down would signify domination.


When conversing with someone, the position of your head comes into play. If your head is straight forward, not slightly tilted or slightly down or up, it is perceived that you are confident and self assured. Going back to the earlier example in which little Jimmy was asked to clean his room, it is best to use the straight on head position, which also demonstrates authority. When you are in a friendly situation, like out with friends, you can use the slightly tilted head, which represents your receptiveness.

When it comes to the distance between you and another person, cultures vastly differ. Typically, when you stand too close to another person and you are face to face, they tend to either turn away from you or back up. Some will perceive you as being a pushy or domineering person. However, if you stand too far away, the effect is opposite and you are perceived as a shy or distant person. You should maintain a distance that is not nose to nose, and not at the other end of the table from the other person. As you communicate, you will be able to determine what is too close, and what is too far, by watching their body language.