Irritating Listening Habits
We all have habits, whether good or bad. We know that it takes about three weeks or so to break a habit and create a new one, but how does one get started in the first place? Just like Aristotle said, we are what we repeatedly do. When you continuously do things over and over, they become a habit. That is why, when you are trying to create a new habit, it is important that you perform the desired behavior each day for at least three weeks. That will help get rid of an old habit and replace it with a better one.
When it comes to listening skills, there are some habits that can be quite irritating. Not just irritating to the speaker that you should be listening to, but also to those around you. We all have probably been in a conference, class, or even a movie when someone is not listening attentively, and it is irritating. Whether the person is fidgeting, shaking a leg, or tapping a pen, it can distract the speaker as well as everyone in the area.
Identifying Irritating Habits
Here is an easy way to identify some irritating habits when it comes to listening skills. Make a list of at least five things off the top of your head that you can think of that would annoy or irritate you if someone were doing them while you were speaking. A good rule of thumb is that if a behavior would irritate you, then it will irritate others.Compare your list to some of these other potentially irritating listening habits:
Interrupting the speaker, for whatever reason.
Looking everywhere but at the person speaking.
Making the speaker feel as though he or she is being rushed or is a bother.
Trying to finish the thoughts of or suggest words for the speaker.
Drilling the speaker with questions about every little detail.
Choosing to not respond when called upon.
Trying to dominate the conversation or top the speaker's story.
Drawing, doodling, pen-tapping, or fidgeting.
Maintaining a blank expression as if you are not actually listening.
Bringing up unrelated topics or stories.
Repeatedly looking at your watch or the clock to see how much longer you have to go before you can stop listening.
Snapping chewing gum or unwrapping candy or food, which makes irritating noises when people are trying to listen.
Answering the cell phone or text messaging.
Faking an expression of paying attention.
Not paying attention to body language, so that the listener may be displaying a closed body language or even one that makes the person appear angry or hostile.
Just not being polite to the speaker and those listening.
All of these are examples of behaviors that may be irritating to a speaker or someone else trying to listen to the speaker. This is in no way an exhaustive list. There are many other things that people could do that would be considered irritating. This is a good start, however, and being able to identify these will help you avoid them and become a better listener.
Engaging in irritating listening habits ends up breaking other people's concentration if there are others listening. It can do the same to the speaker. As well, it is also a sign that you are not paying attention.
A Word about Note-taking
By now you have read several times that while listening you should not be doodling. That does not mean you should never take notes. There are many times when taking notes is not only appropriate but encouraged. You can get a lot out of note-taking, and if you are really taking notes, the speaker likely will be able to distinguish that from merely doodling or not paying attention.
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