How to Listen Well

"Nature has given us two ears, two eyes, and but one tongue, to the end that we should hear and see more than we speak."

So far, you have learned what good listening skills are and why they matter. You also have learned about the ways in which they can impact your personal and professional relationships. We also have looked at different types of barriers to good listening and how childhood experiences impact your adult listening styles.

In this lesson, we will look at what it means to listen well. We will take a look at some of the physical attributes that would demonstrate good listening skills, as well as what active listening is and what it would look like.

What Does Good Listening Look Like?

You may never have thought about the fact that good listening has a look at all. But think about it for a moment. What physical attributes do poor listening skills display? How about:

not making eye contact or looking all around the room?

slouching in your chair or not having a good posture?

fiddling with a pen or something in your hands?

being engaged in something else at the same time, such as writing or reading?

There are many ways that we can identify poor listening skills. Generally, you can recognize a lack of interest by the person's body language, demeanor, and the way in which the person responds. He or she may not respond at all, or may respond with a familiar "what?" or "huh?" after someone finishes speaking. We all know how frustrating this can be.

There also are characteristics that demonstrate effective listening. Just as someone can pick up on poor listening, she or he also can identify if someone is doing a good job listening. Physical attributes that demonstrate that you are actively paying attention and understanding what you are hearing include:

Concentration: People can look at you and see if you are actually concentrating on what is being said. Concentration is a good indicator that you are actively listening. To concentrate, you will need to remove or minimize distractions. Therefore, you should not be doodling, shuffling papers, talking to others, or checking text messages when you should be listening.

Eye contact: This is a big one when it comes to good listening skills, and you are sure to hear it several more times throughout this course. Making eye contact with the person speaking shows you are interested, you are listening, and you are engaged in the exchange that is taking place. Prolonged eye contact, on the other hand, is not a good thing and can make people feel uncomfortable. So while it is good to regularly make eye contact, you will need to break the gaze from time to time to avoid creating an uncomfortable stare situation.

Body language: It is important to make sure that your body language is receptive and not closed off. Closed body language includes having arms folded, head turned, or possibly looking at the floor. Receptive body language would be looking alert, making eye contact, and having the arms in a relaxed position. Good body language also includes your facial expression. You want to have an open and inviting expression, which puts the speaker at ease rather than gives the impression that you are angry, bored, or expressionless.

Avoiding interruption: If you are speaking, it is really hard to hear what the other person is saying. If you interrupt, you may be seen as someone who is rude and not an effective listener. Asking questions or providing feedback is an essential part of active listening, but you need to do it at appropriate times, not by interrupting the speaker. Patience is an important factor in good listening skills. You will need to be patient and wait until the person speaking finishes or pauses to allow feedback.

Ask questions: If you ask questions or seek clarification, it will show that you are paying attention and are interested in what is being discussed. Just be sure that you are not asking in a critical way, which may put the speaker on defense.

]]>