Recognizing and Understanding Communication Styles

Passive Communication

Those who use a passive style of communication often keep their own feelings hidden from others. The goal with this type of communication is to avoid conflict. Rather than risk causing some sort of upset, the Passive Communicator will avoid expressing his or her own opinions and will accept those of others instead.

If the Passive Communicator does choose to express an opinion, it will usually be done very quietly, and he or she is unlikely to defend it very strongly. In addition to a quiet tone of voice, passive communication can be recognized by the way in which the individual avoids eye contact. Because the Passive Communicator is so concerned about avoiding conflict, he or she is constantly holding back personal opinions in favor of those of others. This is the person who doesn't want to "rock the boat."

The Passive Communicator will often say things like:

• I don't know.
• You decide.
• It doesn't matter to me.
• Whatever you think.

This inability to stand up for oneself has some major disadvantages, though. Unfortunately, someone who always engages in passive communication may eventually "blow up" from the pressure of always deferring to others' ideas and opinions.

The Passive Communicator tends to get very little accomplished. He or she doesn't offer ideas on how to do things better or more efficiently. For example, in an effort not to be singled out, he or she is unlikely to do an exceptional job in the workplace.

Aggressive Communication

Aggressive communication has a lot to do with trying to protect one's own ideas and opinions. The Aggressive Communicator is so concerned with having his or her ideas accepted that they often do so at the expense of others. This person tends to look at every situation as if it is a battle, and he or she wants to win.

This type of communication generally includes the use of a loud voice. In fact, Aggressive Communicators may often appear to be quite angry. This is because they know that others are less likely to question them out of fear of being attacked. Eye contact is often used in a way that makes it intimidating. The words used may also be quite intimidating, and an Aggressive Communicator can go so far as to verbally abuse others.

The Aggressive Communicator will often say things like:

• We do it my way, or we don't do it at all.
• Your idea is stupid.
• Feelings don't matter.
• I know what's best.

The Aggressive Communicator will use manipulation to get his or her way. This might include attempting to make others feel guilty or trying to control their actions. These people will often go so far as to use covert tactics to be sure that things are done their way. While these methods may work on the surface, they do little to foster any real relationships. While the Aggressive Communicator may be getting a point across, he or she is likely not hearing and accepting the ideas of others. This leads to a lack of respect and trust from friends, family, coworkers, and customers.