Cultivating Conversational Skills

Be an Engaging Speaker

Being an active listener is certainly one way to set people at ease and develop relationships. You probably don't always want to be listening to and processing other people's opinions, though, and would like the opportunity to communicate your own thoughts and ideas. One of the best ways to do this is to be someone that others want to hear from.

It seems like some people are just natural-born speakers, while others tend to be meeker and often fade into the background. However, effective communication is a skill that can be learned; one of the hardest, yet most rewarding parts of this education is learning to be an engaging speaker. There are several methods for increasing your approachability and improving your ability to talk to others.

Step One – Be Prepared

If you want to really engage others in conversation, it may require a little preparation on your part. For example, get to know your audience. If you are speaking with someone who really enjoys sports, you might be more effective getting your point across if you use a football analogy. Try to find topics that you and the listener have in common, and focus on those. You may even want to do a little research on various topics to make sure that you are well-versed and can hold up your end of an interesting conversation.

Step Two – Don't be a Know It All

Just because you know everything there is to know about the Internet or the history of Rome or the nutritional benefits of some new herbal supplement doesn't mean that the listener wants to hear it all. Being an expert in a topic is great, and it definitely gives you a great conversation starter, but make sure that the other person gets the opportunity to speak and that he or she doesn't become totally overwhelmed or bored with the conversation.

Step Three – Be Yourself

Being "fake" or a "phony" is the kiss of death in social or business situations. In order to be an effective communicator, it is necessary for people to realize that you are being genuine. This can translate into something as simple as making eye contact so that the listener sees that you have nothing to hide. Speak clearly and loudly enough for your voice to be heard and understood. Your opinions are just as important as everyone else's, and you want to be sure that they are shared. Be prepared to hear other people's opinions, though, and to integrate that information into your own understanding.

Step Four – Relax

A little nerves or jitters when going into a social or business situation are to be expected. If they get out of control, however, they can make you a far less effective communicator. Following the previous suggestions will help avoid some of the tension that comes along with the desire to be a good conversationalist. In addition, it can help to simply take a deep breath or use another method to center yourself and gather your thoughts before walking into a situation that you suspect will be difficult.