The practice of active listening can be applied in any context, from the work environment to a coffee chat.
Active, or reflective, listening is a communication technique that seeks to increase understanding between a speaker and a listener. The goal of active listening is to establish the clear communication of ideas and feelings and eliminate misunderstanding. Rather than listening passively or distractedly, an active listener pays close attention to what another person is saying without interrupting. He or she then verbally summarizes the key points of the speaker's message to ensure that they both agree on what was said. Once the speaker has succeeded in getting his or her point across, the roles reverse and the speaker becomes the listener.

The process of active listening demonstrates respect and consideration for the person speaking, which helps establish trust between the speaker and the listener. An active listener focuses solely on understanding the speaker's ideas and feelings without reacting or passing judgment. The listener need not agree with the other person's point of view but should indicate full comprehension of the intended message. Active listening asks that you set aside your need to respond or assert your own ideas in favor of clearly understanding what another person is saying, knowing that you will be given the same consideration when it is your turn to speak.

Active listening is a formal skill that needs to be learned and practiced. It is not something that most people do automatically, although once learned it is good practice in almost all circumstances. Sometimes a neutral third party, such as a family therapist, supervisor, or professional mediator, leads the process, but active listening can also be achieved by any two willing individuals who commit to the techniques and procedures involved.

How Does Active Listening Work?

Empathy, suspension of judgment, undivided attention, and summarizing are central to successful active listening. The process can be conducted formally, with a mediator helping to guide the participants through the various stages, or it can be done informally by following the appropriate steps for good active listening. The goal is to facilitate better communication without the usual obstacles to understanding, such as heated emotions or distracted half-listening. Both participants should listen to each other in turn without any interruptions, remaining fully focused on the other person when it is his or her turn to speak.

Active listening works best when the two parties sit facing each other at a reasonably close distance, and they should be in an isolated location with as few distractions as possible. A private enclosed space is best, such as a room with a closed door, especially if this room can be shut off from outside interruptions. The parties speak in turns, with one person speaking first while the other listens intently without responding to what is being said. The speaker should stick to a single subject in order to keep the discussion focused. Full eye contact between speaker and listener is important.

As a listener, you should not interrupt the speaker, but you can offer subtle acknowledgments that signal comprehension, such as nodding or quietly saying “I see” or “Go on.” It is important for you to withhold any judgment while the speaker is talking and to avoid giving nonverbal clues that might indicate disagreement. You do not have to be in complete agreement with what is being said, but indicating disagreement in any way can distract the speaker and impede communication.

The goal is for the listener to give full, undivided attention to the speaker. You should avoid thinking about what to say next or how to respond or whether what the speaker is saying is even correct. Instead, focus on understanding what is being said. The point is for you to try to empathize with the speaker as well as possible and see things from his or her point of view.

Once the speaker finishes talking, you should summarize what he or she just said. Summarizing serves two functions. It lets the speaker know how well you understood what was said, and it also allows room for clarification if the summary does not accurately reflect the main point that the speaker was trying to make. It may be helpful if you use phrases such as “I heard you say” or “This is what I feel you meant by.”

The speaker can make corrections or clarifications as needed until he or she feels fully understood. The speaker and listener then switch roles and the process plays out this way, back and forth, until both people have clarified their points and have been fully heard and understood by the other.

In What Types of Situations Is Active Listening Used?

While anyone who learns the techniques can practice them in any listening situation, the process is typically used in situations where people have difficulty communicating their needs and ideas clearly. It is common for people who live or work in close contact to develop habits of listening and reacting to each other that are based on what they expect the other person to say or do rather than on what is actually said or done. Active listening provides a way to break through these assumptions and allow constructive communication to happen.

In couples or family therapy, active listening takes place in the presence of a therapist or counselor who guides the process. Sometimes people tune out what other family members are saying because they think they know what is coming next. For example, children who expect their parents to reprimand them may only hear criticism, or parents who expect a certain attitude from teenagers may believe that they hear it in their child's tone. Active listening cuts through these expectations by requiring full attention while listening and restating the message and the listener has shown a clear understanding of what the speaker has said.

Active listening also plays a role in conflict resolution, especially in cases of divorce. It is common for people to send attorneys to speak on their behalf in lawsuits or contract negotiations, but it is usually best for the people involved to talk to each other directly whenever possible. No matter how well prepared lawyers are, they are still in a position of interpreting their clients' needs second hand. When two people who are fully engaged and committed to the process speak directly to each other using active listening techniques, there is less room for misinterpretation.

Active listening can also be useful in resolving workplace issues. Miscommunication or lack of understanding between co-workers can lead to resentment and hurt feelings that impair the employees' ability to work together effectively. Active listening helps reverse these trends and can sometimes even prevent them from happening in the first place. Whether facilitated by a supervisor or manager or implemented among peers, active listening techniques can create greater understanding and empathy among co-workers, which can make them more likely to work cooperatively as a team.

What Are Some Examples Of Active Listening?

Imagine that a co-worker is unexpectedly rude to you or seems insensitive to your needs. You might be hurt, or you might become angry and begin to dislike that person. However, through the application of active listening, you have an opportunity to explain clearly how you feel about your co-worker's behavior, while he or she has a chance to explain and maybe even apologize. You might learn that your co-worker was going through a difficult time at home or that he or she was under extraordinary pressure on the job and oblivious to the insulting behavior. Not only do you come to know more about that person's situation, but he or she might appreciate your willingness to listen. In this way, a situation that had the potential to be a major problem can be channeled into mutual understanding.

Sometimes people do not communicate with those they are close to because they fear the other person's reaction. Rather than saying, for example, “It really hurts my feelings when you come home late without calling ahead,” a partner might say nothing at all in order to avoid conflict, but the hurt feelings remain and can lead to resentment. If the partners actively listen to each other, however, they can fully explain how they feel, and this can help avoid any hurt feelings.

A difference in power between groups, such as between students and teachers, can impede communication. Those with less power may feel that they have no influence over the decisions of the person in charge. For instance, a group of students who have studied for a test find that it covers topics that were not included in the required studying material. Afterward, they feel upset because they believe that the test was unfairly difficult. They will probably complain among themselves, but the teacher might never find out what they really think. However, if the teacher were willing to use active listening techniques, the students could air their grievances, and the teacher could explain the decisions behind the construction of the test. If the students were fairly heard, the teacher may consider amending the test questions in the future, or perhaps the students might gain a better understanding of the teacher's testing philosophy and could prepare for exams more effectively in the future.

What Are The Benefits Of Active Listening?

Active listening improves relationships and promotes goodwill by allowing people to demonstrate their ability to speak and listen purposefully and attentively. If someone does not listen to you or undervalues what you have to say, you may feel slighted. But the opposite may be true when someone takes the time to listen and understand you. Your closest friends are almost always the people you can talk openly with and who listen carefully to what you have to say. Those qualities help create the bonds of friendship. The practice of active listening, even among people who are not friends, can establish a professional connection that may make them more willing to cooperate with one another.

Active listening also helps you express greater empathy toward others, since it requires setting aside your own needs for the purpose of understanding someone else's. Because it involves withholding judgment, active listening provides a safe environment for people to express themselves. When people speak candidly about their concerns, it can make them feel vulnerable, especially if they admit a mistake or a weakness. However, listening actively requires that you do not judge or evaluate what the speaker says, only that you focus on clearly understanding it. The intimacy created by open sharing of ideas and feelings can improve relationships, whether at home, school, or work.

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