The practice of active listening can be applied in any context, from the work environment to a coffee chat. Photo from Pexels
Active listening is a communication technique that seeks to increase understanding between a speaker and a listener. Its goal is to establish the clear communication of ideas and feelings and to eliminate misunderstandings. Rather than listening passively or distractedly, an active listener pays close attention to what another person is saying without interrupting. He or she then verbally summarizes the key points of the speaker's message to ensure they both agree on what was said. Once the speaker has succeeded in getting his or her point across, the roles reverse and the speaker becomes the listener.

Active listening demonstrates respect and consideration for the person speaking, which helps establish trust between speaker and listener. An active listener focuses solely on understanding the speaker's ideas and feelings without reacting or passing judgment. The listener need not agree with the other person's point of view but should indicate full comprehension of the intended message. Active listening asks that you set aside your need to respond or assert your own ideas in favor of clearly understanding what another person is saying.

How Does Active Listening Work?

Active listening can be conducted formally, with a mediator or therapist helping to guide the participants through the various stages. Or, it can be done informally by following the appropriate steps for good active listening. The goal is to eliminate the usual obstacles to understanding, such as anger or distracted half-listening.

Active listening works best when the two parties sit facing each other and make eye contact. The parties speak in turns, with one person speaking first while the other listens intently without responding to what is being said. The speaker should stick to a single subject in order to keep the discussion focused.

The goal is for the listener to give full, undivided attention to the speaker. If you are the listener, you should avoid thinking about what to say next or how to respond or whether what the speaker is saying is even correct. Instead, focus on understanding what is being said, and try as much as possible to see things from the speaker's point of view.

The listener gives undivided attention while the speaker is expressing their ideas. Photo from Pexels.
Once the speaker finishes talking, you should summarize what he or she just said. Summarizing serves two functions. It lets the speaker know how well you understood what they said, and it also allows them to clarify anything that the summary does not accurately reflect.

The speaker can make corrections or clarifications as needed until he or she feels fully understood. Speaker and listener then switch roles, and from there the process continues back and forth until both people have been fully heard and understood each other.

In What Types Of Situations Is Active Listening Used?

People who live or work in close contact often develop habits of listening and reacting to each other based on what they expect the other person to say rather than on what is actually said. Active listening can provide a way to break through such assumptions.

In couples or family therapy, active listening takes place in the presence of a therapist or counselor who guides the process. Sometimes people tune out what other family members are saying because they think they know what is coming next. For example, children who expect their parents to reprimand them may only hear criticism, or parents who expect a certain attitude from teenagers may believe they hear it in their child's tone. Active listening cuts through such built-in expectations.

Active listening is a way for people to move past their expectations of each other, and truly reach an understanding. It is a way of making relationships stronger. Image from Pixabay.
Active listening can also be useful in resolving workplace issues. Miscommunication or lack of understanding between co-workers can lead to resentment and hurt feelings. Active listening can resolve such issues and create greater understanding among co-workers, which in turn can make them function better as a team.

What Are Some Examples Of Active Listening?

Imagine that a co-worker is unexpectedly rude to you or seems insensitive to your needs. You might be hurt, or you might become angry and begin to dislike that person. Active listening can help resolve such problems by providing an opportunity to explain clearly how you feel about your co-worker's behavior, while he or she is given a chance to explain and maybe even apologize. You might learn that your co-worker was going through a difficult time at home or that he or she was under extraordinary pressure on the job, and was unaware how insulting his or her behavior was. Not only do you learn more about that person's situation, you also gain their appreciation for your willingness to listen. In this way, a situation that had the potential to be a major problem can be channeled into mutual understanding.

Sometimes people do not communicate with those they are close to because they fear the other person's reaction. Rather than saying, for example, "It really hurts my feelings when you come home late without calling ahead," a partner might say nothing at all in order to avoid conflict, but the hurt feelings remain and can lead to resentment. If the partners actively listen to each other, however, they can fully explain how they feel, and this can help avoid any hurt feelings.

What Are the Benefits Of Active Listening?

Active listening improves relationships and promotes goodwill. If someone does not listen to you or undervalues what you have to say, you may feel slighted. However, the opposite may be true when someone takes the time to listen and understand you.

Because it involves withholding judgment, active listening provides a safe environment for people to express themselves. The open sharing of ideas and feelings can improve relationships, whether at home, school or work.

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